Why is it difficult for us to see our children grow up?

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    In collaboration with

    Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)

    Parents, especially mothers, may feel homesick as their children grow older. This is the case of a mother on TikTok, who publishes a video where she cries because her son has just turned 10 years old and therefore will no longer be “her baby.” Why, as parents, do we sometimes have difficulty seeing our children grow? The answers of Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.

    It is a video of a sad mother who would like to have other opinions, because she has no one to trust. She asks netizens to find out if her feelings are normal. She explains that she is crying because her son just turned ten and will no longer be “her baby.”

    A moving video, which sparked a wave of emotions.

    “I know it sounds silly, but my son turned 10 and it’s like my world is falling apart.” explains Jasmine. Being in the middle of a breakup and not having friends with children, he posts this video on TikTok, crying, to explain his anguish. “Nobody warned me. I had no idea I would be so sad. At 10 years old we enter pre-adolescence, which means that adolescence is not far away. Have other mothers had the same pain? ?” she asks.

    Why do we sometimes find it difficult to accept that our children are growing?

    Jasmin’s video generated many reactions and the parents confirmed that they had already felt the same. Why do we, as parents, sometimes find it difficult to accept that our children are growing up? Doctissimo interviewed psychologist Amélie Boukhobza to get some insights.

    According to her, “In fact, as parents – and probably even more so as a mother, due to the special bond created by pregnancy and the first months of a child’s life – we can experience ambiguous or even complex feelings towards our growing children.. Because ? “Because this means that as our children grow, they become more and more independent.”.

    For the expert, this means that our parental “omnipotence” decreases as we develop. ““We no longer have full power over our children and we must mourn this loss.”.

    An evolving parental role

    Therefore, when our children grow up, we must accept that they too become individuals in their own right, with their tastes, their personalities and their choices. “On the other hand, our role as parents certainly evolves but continues throughout life, including adulthood. And maybe that’s what we’ll have to hold on to.” advises the psychologist.

    Another explanation for this sadness may be nostalgia for the passage of time. “Watching your child grow is also a tangible reminder of the passage of time and probably an awareness of our own aging. Which can also generate some anxiety.“.

    For the psychologist, the solution to overcome this is to redefine her involvement in her children’s lives. “Perhaps finding new areas of common interest and support?” suggests Amélie Boukhobza. She also emphasizes that it is important to see the positive side of things:

    • This somewhat painful passage will not last, it is a transition, the time to make new marks with your child;
    • This is an opportunity, especially for women, to get involved in activities for themselves. “When children grow up, we have more time to play sports, practice different activities or see friends, for example.”. So now is the right time to do everything you’ve always dreamed of doing… Things you never had time for!

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